O.J. Was Framed!

Ya, I know what your thinking! O.J. got what was coming to him! But I think you got it all wrong. Before making a final conclusion on what happened, I think you should hear him out. I mean, think about it. What if you were accused of doing something wrong and you weren't even there? I was able to sit down with O.J. last night after sentencing to ask a few questions. This is what he said:

Me: How do you feel right now?
O.J.: Considering what has happened today, hey, I'm just peachy! Come on man! I just was found guilty for something I didn't even do. I wasn't even there! Man, I'm gonna be beat to a pulp in there!

Me: What do you mean you weren't there? People saw you in Vegas last September! There were witnesses.
O.J.: You know, if someone smart would actually look at the facts, I may have been in Vegas on that date, but I was somewhere else. I'm O.J.. If you concentrate on what is in front of you, you could clearly tell that I couldn't possibly done all those things. I was chilling with some of my friends.

Me: Kidnapping, Assault, robbery! These are serious charges!
O.J.: Lets start with the kidnapping charge. I was sitting in a tree when someone came along and shook the dang tree until I fell down. Then I was grabbed and thrown in the back of a truck. If anything was kidnapped, It was me! Should we even get into assault! I didn't get this way over night! Squeezed and beaten. That's assault. And robbery! Me freedom was robbed!

Me: Well, it sounds like a pretty strong case. Where did you go wrong?
O.J.: I didn't go wrong at all. Years ago, a Mr. Orenthal James Simpson, decided to change his name to The Juice or O.J. Then he played football, did some horrible acting, killed his wife and friend. I would bet your bottom dollar that he was in Vegas that night in September. So to answer your question, where did I go wrong? I didn't. Everyone else just closed their eyes and chugged on some bad juice!

Me: Well, thank you for your time and I hope that everything comes out smooth.
O.J.: Thanks for coming and letting me speak some truth.